
Kat John

Love yourself by saying yes to desserts made from feel-good ingredients, including a sprinkling of #selfworth, #lettinggo, #ease&flow, and...
Bolster your mental health during the depths of winter by resisting the urge to hibernate indoors.
One month. No meat. What a difference it can make! Here’s why we should all give No Meat May a go this year.
If you want to get your gut in order, Dr Will Bulsiewicz is the expert to help you sort out fact from fiction. This is the gut-health cheat sheet...
Mountains stretch down to coastal plains, which hug the curves of over 100 pristine beaches, all gazing out towards the stunning waters of the...
If you haven’t quite got your cycle phases figured out, you’re not alone. But it’s time to tune in to your body’s rhythms - so that you...
Going vegan can be a life-changing experience, and it’s not without its challenges. The good news is you’re not alone. There are identifiable...
These overnight chia pudding pots are quick to prepare, packed with nutrition, and delicious – a fantastic way to start your day.
Who doesn’t love dumplings? In this wholefood, plant-based recipe, chef Adam Guthrie uses chickpea flour and cauliflower for the dumpling base,...
Made with fermented whole soybeans, tempeh is packed with protein, prebiotic fibre and isoflavones known to have metabolic and hormonal benefits....
Ellie Bullen has a true passion for creating dishes that are bursting with flavour and beautifully presented and, true to form, her vegan burger...
Sophisticated and enticing, these savoury galettes are packed with Mediterranean flavours, including a divine almond-based pesto. They make a...
Roasted vegetables in smoky spices form the centre of this crispy puff pastry shell, along with a salty olive tapenade. Shaped into a...
Fluffy, fragrant, and fresh, these glorious lemony muffins make the perfect treat, whether with morning coffee, afternoon tea, or for dessert.
Spraying sheets and pillows with calming scents can be a wonderful aid to slumber
The next time you go for a walk, discover the wonder of the everyday world around you
A skincare routine can be a way to nourish yourself inside and out
When the clouds converge, practise gratitude for the smallest of glimmers, and learn to dance in the rain.
Do you just want to win the fight? Or are you ready to create the authentic, loving relationship you’ve always wanted?
I don’t know about you, but there’s a stubborn part of me that just loves to be right! This part likes to prove my partner is in the wrong and deflect any kind of responsibility when I am. This, my friends, is our ego. It’s the part of yourself that protects you from feeling hurt, embarrassed, ashamed, or wrong – and will do just about everything it can to defend itself (aka, you!).
While this might not sound so bad, it doesn’t go so well when you’re in a relationship, and especially when you are in an argument with two egos at play. This can lead us down a path of emotional manipulation. We might shut our partner out and give them the cold shoulder. I think we’ve all been in ‘don’t talk to me, don’t look at me, don’t breathe near me’ land. It can ruin an entire day. In truth, this isn’t the place either person wants to be in.
When I have acted in this way towards my partner, I know deep down it isn’t in alignment with my values or my authentic self. But the ego will excuse bad behaviour and blame it on lack of sleep, the kids, the house being messy, or just about anything else to avoid admitting fault.
Feeling the hurt we’ve inflicted on our partner doesn’t feel so crash hot. But when we do admit fault and eat that not-so-tasty humble pie, we land back in our hearts. And this leads to a more open, loving, and authentic relationship dynamic.
Here are some pieces of humble pie that can strengthen your relationship, with yourself and with each other.
Do you talk over your partner in an argument? Perhaps you want to make a point that’s bigger and better than theirs? Yep, me too. But this doesn’t get us anywhere. When any of us feel unheard, we feel misunderstood and unacknowledged, and this hits some pretty deep childhood wounds. In a relationship, you both deserve to be heard, which means you need to listen up. When you actively listen to what your partner is sharing, you may even be able to hear the real message behind their words. If you can acknowledge how they feel and even what they’re not saying, real healing can take place.
Being the first one to put down the ego’s sword and armour can be tough. However, waiting for the other person to make a move can create even greater stress in yourself and more tension between the two of you. You’ll tell yourself that it’s weak to make the first move or to be vulnerable – but being vulnerable is different to being a pushover. From your heart, tell your partner you’re hurting, that you want better for the relationship, or anything else your heart needs to share. Speaking your truth will free you. So be brave, tell your truth, and let the outcome unfold.
When you notice an argument is going around and around in circles about the same thing, going nowhere, then pull the pin on your need to be right. Or at the very least, take a breather and put some space between you, so you can both cool your jets. While taking this space, focus on clearing the charged thoughts in your mind and emotions in your body. You might write down all your thoughts and feelings to help purge them, take a walk to clear and calm your nervous system, or whatever is constructive for you to loosen up and let go of the restricted view you currently have.
You can’t change your partner’s responses or make them take responsibility for their actions, but you can choose to swallow your own egoic pride. Taking responsibility for your contribution to an argument will help you to grow and evolve, and hopefully your relationship too. Take a minute (or 10) to observe how you spoke, the tone you used, and how you reacted emotionally and physically. By taking responsibility for yourself and your behaviour, your self-awareness grows and there is room for positive change – for you and the relationship.
There are two very good reasons to say sorry. The first is to apologise to your partner when you are dead set in the wrong. You may have acted out while they have legit done nothing but breathed in the same space as you. Say sorry when your response is out of proportion to what’s going on: “Hey, that had nothing to do with you. I’ve got stuff going on that I don’t know how to deal with, and you were an easy target. I’m sorry.”
The second reason is to apologise for how your partner is feeling, but not for how they’re saying you made them feel. If you have authentically shared some tough love with your partner to remain aligned with your true self or for their own benefit, then stay in your power. “I’m sorry that you feel this way right now, but I truly believe that what I shared with you is for your greatest good, even if you don’t agree or can’t see it right now.”
We’ve all played the martyr at some point. It gives us a false sense of power and control, but ultimately sets up everyone to fail. Maybe you try and do it all, from cleaning the house, doing the shopping, and cooking the meals to going to work, providing support, and everything else you do to prove you’re fine. But if you keep that facade up, it’s going to come undone pretty quickly. Stop, just stop. It’s okay to ask for help. Lean on your partner a little, let them in. You’ll project less pressure and anxiety onto those in your life. You may even create more harmony around you because you are more chill.
***
What we’re doing here is teaching ourselves to come back to our hearts. For too long, leading with the heart has been seen as weak. We’ve been conditioned to act from our heads, as if that is all that we are. But when the heart is used in combination with courage, vulnerability, and authenticity, your relationship will have a very real chance at being fabulous. When you choose how you show up and contribute to your relationship, you give it the best chance of being everything you would truly love it to be.
Gut health is no fleeting fad. The more we learn, the more we understand how important it is to overall health. Here’s what you need to...
Mountains stretch down to coastal plains, which hug the curves of over 100 pristine beaches, all gazing out towards the stunning waters of the...
If you want to get your gut in order, Dr Will Bulsiewicz is the expert to help you sort out fact from fiction. This is the gut-health cheat sheet...
As the weather cools, we let the kitchen warm us. We’re roasting, we’re baking, we’re making pies and tarts and pizza. Yum!
Diversity is just as important as quantity if you want to boost your health and wellbeing with the veggies you eat. Read on to discover 10 ways...
We know we’d benefit from it, but we just can’t do it! Here are five ways to find your flow state through a more active form of meditation.
Great food photos can have us drooling over dishes we’ve never even tasted. Here’s how to take your food photography to the next level.
You’ll be scoffing mouthfuls of this rich, hearty, budget-friendly soup before anyone else has a chance to dive in. It’s that good! I...
Lusciously decadent but guilt free, these divine bars are definitive proof that there’s a healthier, plant-based version of anything you fancy....
Surround yourself with good friends, I say. This sticky date pudding would be nowhere near as epic without a bit of mentoring (and tough love)...
The ultimate vehicle for a colourful array of vegetables (vary the mix by season or as you choose), this rich and fragrant korma with tender...
This is the perfect plant-based brownie for the brownie connoisseur. Years in the making, and now captured for you to enjoy. It’s as much for...
Burgs are life! We love all the classics, and they are tastier and better for you when filled with plants.
Shifting to a wholefood plant-based diet doesn’t mean missing out on cheesecake. This recipe uses tofu instead of cream cheese and is therefore...
Spraying sheets and pillows with calming scents can be a wonderful aid to slumber
The next time you go for a walk, discover the wonder of the everyday world around you
A skincare routine can be a way to nourish yourself inside and out
When the clouds converge, practise gratitude for the smallest of glimmers, and learn to dance in the rain.